how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
