im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
