roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
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Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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