I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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