just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize