If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
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