whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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