I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
