In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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