my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
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We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
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I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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