porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
