Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
