yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
