Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
