fuck your aforementioned shoe
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
