Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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