Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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