it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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