i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
