My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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