Christians are straight up FREAKS
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
