none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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