Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
