"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
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I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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