i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
