dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize