Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
