She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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