I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
