why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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