There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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