thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
