Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
