Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
