I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
