Christians are straight up FREAKS
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
