Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
