ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
As shirtless as possible
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
