The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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