My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
