the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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