i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
