Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
