guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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