I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
