I feel like abortions should bother me more
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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