I'm eating all of the evidence.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
