This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I puked a lego.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
