Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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