rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
they're like a gay fantastic four
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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