I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
