I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
