And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
