Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
