What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
