You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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