Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
